I hope I'll find my way to you ,

I’m a laid back t-shirt, blue jean, mood ring kinda girl . Lay low I’m a mission rebel angel devil little left of the middle.. Sometimes I get temper mental.. But here I am an open book, turn the page it’s all the rage get a look on the inside.. What you get is what you see. You hold the key to the diary of me
I’m poetry, complicated . Simply stated. Hey yeah how about you?
I was born free, I’m a cell phone hippie.. Are you with me?
When I mess up I don’t get up.. I just get down yeah...
It’s raining on Sunday there’s nothing on the TV . Yesterday was lonely you’re the only one who gets me
My mind is like an island drifting through the ocean
I can’t stop thinking about you..........

Aku masih di sini .

Aku nampak kuat di luaran dan tangisan aku lindung dari kau nampak
Kekuatan ku untuk aku bertahan aku usaha,,
Aku  elak dari fikir aku jauh dari mu.. aku elak dari fikir aku tiada di dalam hati mu..
Aku cuba utk berhenti berharap namun aku masih disini tabah utk menunggu hati mu terbuka utk ku ..
Aku masih tersenyum walaupun itu pahit utk ku.. Aku yakinkan diri ku kuat utk semua ini. Aku yakinkan diri ku aku tak sakit wlu aku tau sakit ini sgt dlm melukai jiwa ku .. Aku cuba utk fhm erti kau menjauhi ku, menjauh dari sedih gembira mu .. Aku cuba fhm erti kehidupan yg lebih bahagia utk ku , namun sakit itu juga yg aku pilih dan terima.. masih berpegang padanya , Aku lari rasa takut dari di sakiti.. Aku keliru bercelaru dgn egois mu dan sikap degil ku.. Aku sedih tapi tiap kali di hadapan mu , aku pasti seyum simpan segala sakit yg ku rasa supaya aku nampak kuat . Aku kadangnya terlepas dari kekuatan membuat dirimu jauh dariku . Namun apa pun sakit perit sedih yg aku lalui utk mendapatkan mu, aku masih . Masih disini .

No, I won't give up .

When I look into your eyes

It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn

Some even fall to the earth

We've got a lot to learn

God knows we're worth it

No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily

I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use

The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake

And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend

For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not

And who I am

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)

God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)

We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)

God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

Cinta..

Awak , awak tahu tak sakit bila saya menangis sebab saya tak tahu sama ada nak pergi dari hidup awak atau tak ? Awak tahu tak lebih sakit bila saya kata saya nak tinggalkan awak , awak kata saya tak sayang awak.. saya tak mampu tunggu awak saya cepat putus asa ? Awak tahu tak pedih bila saya cuba dekati awak tapi awak selalu berselindung dari saya ? Awak tahu tak sedihnya rasa bila saya cuba faham awak tapi awak sukar nak berkongsi apa apa dengan saya sampai saya rasa sangat keliru ?

Awak tahu tak bila awak buat saya menangis , saya rasa kehilangan dan tak mampu untuk membenci awak namun lebih merindui awak dan rasa ingin awak disisi untuk peluk dan sapu air mata saya.....

Forever Yours

Hi guys , I know it has been a long time since I updated my blog... I've been neglected my blog for so many time after so many promises that I won't be leaving it hanging again .. Well, I'm sorry I broke my promises but today I really need my blog for me to pour out my feelings..

Hello, maybe some of you guys out there don't really know me and don't know whatever shit I've been through and who I really am in real life.. so when you read this please don't judge..

Well here it goes..I'm actually trauma.. trauma of relationship. This is because I've been through fucking hell through out my previous relationship.. I've been torn apart.. I've been broken into bits... So now , I am really scared of having a new relationship or to ever have a bf again.. I was single for a long time..

But today , I shocked some of my friends with my new status which is in a relationship with a guy name , Kelen Xap.. well hmmmm you guys must be thinking what's so special about him that made me in a relationship again? Well the answer is, I've been waiting for him..I secretly had a crush on him.. I really likes him but I chose to keep it to myself.. I still can't believe I'm in a relationship with him today and I will never ever believe it... cause he's way too good for me.. And I'm way to be good enough for him..

I pray that he won't go away , I don't want my heart to be broken again.. I just can't take another heart broken anymore.. I've told him so many time that will he accept me for who I REALLY AM . He seems to accept the challenge to actually get to know me, be my bf and willing to love me for who I really am.. I'm so afraid , I feel awkward , nervous and I feel bad if I can't make him laugh or smile.. Everything around me is just.. impossible.. I kept thinking will he love me one day..? cause one day when he truly know me, I'm afraid he'll change his mind and can't go on with me.. I'm the type who'd rather be called weird and have no friends.. cause everyone in my life can't really accept me for who I am.. I mean not everyone but most of them.. I thank god, I have two friend and some of my family who truly understand and love me for who I am.. I'm just too lucky to have them in my life.. 

Anyway..

The reason why I post this is to let Kelen know.. I wanna love him forever, I want him to know that I don't wanna end up to be his ex... I'm gonna love him for who he is.. I really hope he can accept my imperfection.. I don't want this relationship to be left as a waste of time. I know I'm only18 I may act like a child at times, but I am 'that' serious and ready for the finest relationship.. I'm in the state of needing a guy to prove that not all guys are the same.. I need someone who can fix my broken heart slowly and start a new life with me... 

B, I know I may be too weird for you.. I'm just not perfect, that's just who I really am.. I'm just being myself.. I would do anything that I could for you.. I'll treat you like a king.. prove you I'm different from any other girls out there.. I'll be the best of me for you.. I'm just...I'm tired of getting hurt b.. I really do.. I've been waiting for this chance... and I planned to start it with you.. I hope we'll never let go of each other now matter how hard our life situation is.. I hope we'll make it out through good , bad , thick and thin in life together.. We just started a challenge which need the two of us to hold on to each other to make it through the very end.. 

Cause when you in love with someone and you got yourself into a relationship , you're taking the risk to get hurt in many ways , you'll need to sacrifice for anything  as long as that someone you love will be happy with you.. it is also about facing your biggest fear and things you might dislike..

So the truth is.. I am ready for all this b, I will make the best out of me for both of us.. the question now is.. 

Are you ready and willing b ? to catch me when I fall, to stand by me.. to protect me.. to hug me, kiss me , tell me everything's gonna be alright.. to be there for me when I need you and to forever be my one and only...?

The New Chapter

Dusty-o-dusty blog ! I really miss you , life has been great guys ! How bout yours ? Well leave a comment and tell me ! I'm still working as a singer , I'm still a part of Stryper Band ; http://www.facebook.com/StryperBand check out my band y'all !

Anyway ,
I'm getting skinnier and people starting to notice it ! I'm very worried about my health , life is good and so as work . But... I have no idea what made me into this ! O: Probably because of my never ending SAD SAD love life story.. Haha . Been single for umm can't remember how long lol . But it feels so long seriously.. Well , what I really wanted to do with my life now is.. I wanna have more quality time for my friends . It's been ages ): I miss my Sugar High Babes so badly !! Not to forget my new group so called Gossip Girl , SNB ; SarahNattBalqis . I miss them too ): But looking on the positive side , since I've been busy with work and the only place I spend most of my time is at home..I realized I have more quality time for my family (': I really love spending time with my family , it's really great no matter how ugly each of them can be at times ! Haha , family is still family no matter what happen . Family first , always first . One of my principe I would say (: I mean , logically , when the friends are gone.. You have your family.. When the boyfriend left.. You still have your family.. But one thing for sure.. When the family are gone.. You will always have God.. Forever.. Remember that ;)

Okyh , now a lil shout out for my friends out there , I know some of you guys don't really understand what my work really is.. Well easy , just ask me I will explain ! I miss you guys so much and please take care . I love y'all :*

Til here

Sincerely,

Nattkills xx

T.g.i.f

Ta-da ! I'm back on track with red hair bitches !  So, here it goes..
I'm no longer a school girl ! Heckyeah, I'm a free bitch baby ! Even results has been taken and I'm proud to say I didn't fail (: Haven't decide which U or college I'm going yet.. probably MSU . Hmm. Life's going pretty well for now , I'm gonna start working by next week monday @Never Mine "It's Yours" Bar . Do come and visit me :D Hihi .

xoxo,
NattKills .

Facts 3#

I cringe at the way people say that high school friends are forever, mine didn't even last halfway through high school.

Love hurts,

I used to be so in love with you. And honestly I don't know if I still am. You had my heart for so long even after you left me. Its sad because I was the "other girl" and it was just fun for you. I didn't think i'd fall in love. But now after all the shit you've put me through. I don't love you anymore. I think.

Forget about the guy...

Forget the guy that doesnt care for you, the guy that cheats on you, uses you for sex and denies it. The guy that abandons you for his friends and the guy that dumped you because he ‘was sick of it’. Forget the guy that puts you last and the guy that calls you when its convenient for him. Forget the guy that calls you cute and pretty, instead of beautiful. Forget the guy that puts you down, that isnt proud of you, that competes with you. Forget the guy that wont take no for an answer, and the guy that makes you cry yourself to sleep. Forget the guy that gets with other girls, that hurts you ‘unintentionally’, yet does it time and time again. Forget the guy that calls you begging for forgiveness, he isnt worth it. Forget the guy that you cant trust, forget the guy that has made months of your life miserable. Forget the guy that you had to listen to complain about other girls when you were in love with him. Forget the guy that ruined your other relationships. Forget the guy that makes you wait for him. Forget the guy that "doesnt want a relationship" when you know he just doesnt want you. Forget the guy that thinks of someone else while you’re thinking of him. Forget the guy that lies every day. Forget the guy that doesnt know how to love you. Forget the guy you cant forgive. Forget the guy that made it clear he could forget about you. Life must go on. And never give up. Ya digg?

Reblogged from : Kim Campos

So...can I forget about him ? hmph .

Aku paling pening layan engkau !

Haha the title meant short form for Kim's old nick name (:

Aku paling pening layan engkau : Apple !

It's funny how some people just don't get my relationship with Kim .

So now baby girrrrrrl ,open your fcking eyes and read this carefully aite (:

Luqman Hakim Bin Zaazubir , Apple Dnsh aka Kim Campos .

Is my freakinggggg best friend okyh ! or should I say my brother ?

We're like brother and sister , his business is my business too . We go together . Together as a best friend ! That's the reason why I'm in Kataras . We're like brothers and sister ! We're homies ! We're close !

YES , he is my ex-bf . We're best friend now cause we just don't suit as a couple . We were never meant to be .

But god put us together again as a best friend . We always fight and make drama when we meet . We fight like cat and dog . Nope , not like a sweet couple fight or something like that -.-' I've known Kim for a long time and even before than you do . I know a lot of things about him , and so there's nothing to be curious or jealous about . If I like him . I'd just break up with my boyfriend and be with him again . But nope , I'm not gonna do that ! We friend ! F.R.I.E.N.D . Haven't you heard the word friend before ? or you never had one ? If so , i pity you girl . We broke up cause a lot of reason , and i really mean a LOT . Kim doesn't like girls who control him , treat him like a kid and keep nagging to him all the time . Calling him 24/7 and stuff like that . He just want you to be there through thick or thin . Not by clinging to him at all the time or telling him you love him all the time just to get his attention . If you love him , then just show to him by your action not your words . I could've do it when we were together , but after we broke up I realized how suit we are as a best friend . Cause when we were together , its hard for us to understand each other . We had a lot of problems . But we went through it aaaall together . The feeling of being couple and best friend is wayyyyy different . Especially when you considered your best friend like your own brother/sister . That is what happened to me and Kim . We were happened to be best friend (:

So !

The reason why you shouldn't be jealous of us being close is ,

1. We're BEST FRIEND !

2. I know him more than ANYONE !

3. I treat him like my own BROTHER !

and most importantly ,

4. I have a fcking BOYFRIEND, and I love him !

Last but not least ,

5. Read it all over again and get it into your brain correctly ! -.-'

I'm just so fcking pissed with someone who either older than me or the same age as me couldn't think properly before they say or write something. Gosh , learn maturity please !

Sincerely ,

Natt .

Kataras 2#

Photoshoot with them Kataras again ,

Sampai sampai saya dah kena bertapa kat Seri Maya seorang diri jap tggu Si Kim dgn partner dia yg acah acah Rain pergi pick up Zoey and Taufiq (: mcm biasa bro .

Tunggu lama gila , Kim dengan Taufiq sampai dulu . Kitorg lepak swimming pool . Ada pulak budak budak main bola air terpercik-percik -.-' Lepastu tunggu Zoey dgn David Chan mmg sekejap . Takpe dah biasa (: Kesian Taufiq lapar , last last dapat jugak makan nasi lemak kat rumah Kim . Zoey dgn David chan sampai je, start photoshoot. Berdrama jap dengan Kim , padan muka . Merajuk sampai tertidur haha . So aku lepak dengan Taufiq and Zoey je la dekat swimming pool . Zoey banyak duit sikit harini , beli kan nasi gorg untuk aku . Cehh haha , so bila taufiq balik terpaksa lah tggu si Kim bangun . Tak lama (: 5 minutes je bro -.-' So then around 12.30 Kim hantar aku balik. Zoey balik sendiri . Dah letih k , k bye .

xoxo, Natt .

xoxo , Natt

How The Illuminati Runs HOLLYWOOD .

Some people just don't get the word ,

The Megat's

from left Danial, Aiman, Kushairi And Azry . My heroes .

Hi ,

My blog are pretty dead . I'm trying my best to live it up , I haven't got myself any interesting story . Oh wait , actually I have one but its not really a story I think you guys are interested in . Anyway , lately I've been spending my after school times with the Katara's and Hariz David Chan . We spend our time talking and taking some photos , Me and Kim, as usual the one who created drama . Fought like a bro and sis , cursed the hell out each other I swear sometimes i feel like slapping his face haha. But nawwh I wont do that . He's way too precious , though he always hurt me with my words . But somewhat , I just cant be mad at him . I have to admit , sometimes he's too much . But , I don't really care as he has been like that since the first time I met him . I'm tired of giving him advice . He's hard , he's too stubborn and ego . I can't break his ego . Ego tinggi macam KLCC , aku rasa KLCC pun kalah . Back to Kataras and Hariz , Hariz is one funny 18 years old guy . Hahaha , he always tried to pick on me and say sorry after that . He's cute and nice . A new friend of mine . Zoey and Taufiq , they're just awesome at their age,16 and the word 'Kataras' suits them well . This might sound a lil weird , but somehow they are just like my brothers . I've always wonder, how my brothers going to be like when they've reach 16 and 17 . So when I look at them . I mean Kataras and Hariz , I could imagine myself being with my brothers when they've all grown up (':.And this is one of the reason why , I feel very comfortable with them and why I love hanging out with them . AND, this is the reason why I could stand Kim's attitude . They remind me of my brothers , I even cried in front of Kim and Zoey that day . Because I couldn't hold back my tears anymore , I just miss my brothers so much and it hurts . Okyh , I better stop before I shed my tears again . Til here ,

xoxo , Natt .

" You're forgiven , I forgive you . Like I always do . " Natt .

Pretty look is just not enough ,

Icc Concert .

Starting with myself, I love my hair so much . It is way too precious (': haha I love to comb it and just touch it . I love love loveee to look at my hair. Especially in the morning after a great sleep . I planned to dye my hair kind of Rihanna's . But I guess not according to my style, so I'm not sure yet. And then my nails , some people said i have a beautiful nails so I want to buy a lot more nail paints. Because like omg , I'm very addicted to it already haha not surprising . But i wouldnt have the chance to dye my hair and buy a lot of nail paints unless i go to work. Make some ka-chings by myself -.-' oh well speaking of work, I'm not even at the corner of finish school yet, results for the first exam was fuhh, very satisfied I would say ! Well, if you compared it with my last year's result ! -.-' I think, I've improved. Like a lot . I'm proud of myself ! Right now, I'm just counting days for the next exam. Studying is indeed studying, but should be organized a bit. Because even if you study like crazy in the morning, afternoon, evening and night but can not let the subjects get into your brain, it can not be too right? What made ​​me feel a little proud is when my English teacher told me ' Your English supposed to be good '. I just smiled at her as I'm trying to tell her that I'm working on it . I hope she got what I'm trying to tell her . I don't know why but somehow it just made me feel that I have the potential to score higher than me and my teacher expected . Well , I will score higher for the next exam teacher , this I promise ! Hihi til here ,

xoxo , Natt .

Kau tak perfect .

Dah dari dulu aku suruh kau move on , so tolong eh . Jangan nak salah kan aku yang kau hurt la apa laa . Ada ? ada aku kisah ? tak aku tak kisah . Sebab bila aku kisah , kau melebih lebih . Tahu tak kalau laa ex aku tahu apa yang kau cuba nak buat kat aku masa kat Astaria haritu . Kau dah kena belasah dah aku rasa . Oh and apa aku tulis kat blog ni bukan untuk dijadikan topic kat blog kau , kau ingat aku ni apa? suka hati aku laa , this is my life ! kau bukan boyfriend aku pun . Sakit hati tahu tak , dah bagi muka kat kau , lama-lama ish tak tahu nak cakap apa -.-' Kau fikir kau kaya , pandai . Eh hello kalau setakat kaya tapi sebenarnya miskin sebab perangai berlagak kau tu . LUPAKAN . Kalau nak tahu , sebab perangai kau lah aku tak suka kat kau . Oh , memang . Memang kau baik pun , tapi sorry la aku tahu kau banyak menipu aku dengan kawan kawan kau sendiri pun . Macam ayat tu , 'dont lie to a liar' so jangan nak menipu . Sekali lagi , tolong laa eh . Betul cakap Ara . We are better on our own . Aku rasa happy and bebas sekarang , tak ada pun sedih sedih okyh ? k bye .

Eh jap , kenapa aku tulis dalam bahasa melayu eh ? sebab nanti kau kecoh pasal english aku .

YE LA ENGLISH KAU KAN PERFECT ! (:

Icc Concert 2011 ,

Was awesome ! until......i saw my ex. Hmm yeah , my ex with a girl . I know that girl . First I saw him when I was hugging my friend , he walked by and smiled at me . It was awkward okyh, he never ever want to smile at me after we broke up I mean if we meet outside , he don't even want to look at me . Like seriously, so I was feeling a lil excited that he actually smiled at me ! but when i turned back . He was hugging this girl , like a sweeeeeeet couple . Ouch ! there , my heart got one big deep cut . It hurts like fuck ! I was stunned there for a moment , from (: i when to |: I cant believe my eyes , since we broke up I never saw him with a girl walking together like so sweet and all ,especially hugging like that ! So , that was beyond my expectation . I was down after that . But there was my boyfriend , calm me and cheer me up again (': thnks boo , yknow i love you . I saw a lot of my friends at icc . Everyone just walked by and say hi , didn't even get a chance to take picture with them . Over all , it was fun ! Congrats to my school dancers Wild Child ! They were great ! Awesome performance ! Thnks to my two angels , Maryna & Kavitha . Guys , sleepover again !!! Hahaha ! I had so much fun with you guys (': mama kata kena cakap terima kasih punnn . Haha , oh and thnks to my boyfriend for coming (: and spend a greattttt time together with me at Midvalley . Seluar longgar , HAHAHA :P til here ,

xoxo, Natt .

This is my life , Just shut the eff up .

So there's this guy he im me on Facebook and said he love me more than my bf does and went offline , haha ain't gonna mention his name here . This is my answer for him .
Too bad baby, I love my boyfriend more than i love you ! I'm soooo sorry boy ! :P Hahaha , oopss but that's the fact .
How did I move on so fast , don't fucking ask me . Its my life and I'm tired of being what people want me to be. So yeah right now I'm just being myself . The old me , who doesn't really care much, who's heartless bu....happy !? Yeah I'm happy ! So sorry , I just love being who I am now . I fuckin love it . And no , don't ever say you know me better than I know myself . I'm that girl who prefer being single . Yeap prefer being single . But to be honest , I've finally found the guy,who I can officially say my one and only Prince Charming . So guys , be jealous . Because to me he's perfect . His imperfection is perfect to me. He's mine , so keep your hand off my boyfriend girls .

xoxo ,
Natt .