Hi guys , I know it has been a long time since I updated my blog... I've been neglected my blog for so many time after so many promises that I won't be leaving it hanging again .. Well, I'm sorry I broke my promises but today I really need my blog for me to pour out my feelings..
Hello, maybe some of you guys out there don't really know me and don't know whatever shit I've been through and who I really am in real life.. so when you read this please don't judge..
Well here it goes..I'm actually trauma.. trauma of relationship. This is because I've been through fucking hell through out my previous relationship.. I've been torn apart.. I've been broken into bits... So now , I am really scared of having a new relationship or to ever have a bf again.. I was single for a long time..
But today , I shocked some of my friends with my new status which is in a relationship with a guy name , Kelen Xap.. well hmmmm you guys must be thinking what's so special about him that made me in a relationship again? Well the answer is, I've been waiting for him..I secretly had a crush on him.. I really likes him but I chose to keep it to myself.. I still can't believe I'm in a relationship with him today and I will never ever believe it... cause he's way too good for me.. And I'm way to be good enough for him..
I pray that he won't go away , I don't want my heart to be broken again.. I just can't take another heart broken anymore.. I've told him so many time that will he accept me for who I REALLY AM . He seems to accept the challenge to actually get to know me, be my bf and willing to love me for who I really am.. I'm so afraid , I feel awkward , nervous and I feel bad if I can't make him laugh or smile.. Everything around me is just.. impossible.. I kept thinking will he love me one day..? cause one day when he truly know me, I'm afraid he'll change his mind and can't go on with me.. I'm the type who'd rather be called weird and have no friends.. cause everyone in my life can't really accept me for who I am.. I mean not everyone but most of them.. I thank god, I have two friend and some of my family who truly understand and love me for who I am.. I'm just too lucky to have them in my life..
The reason why I post this is to let Kelen know.. I wanna love him forever, I want him to know that I don't wanna end up to be his ex... I'm gonna love him for who he is.. I really hope he can accept my imperfection.. I don't want this relationship to be left as a waste of time. I know I'm only18 I may act like a child at times, but I am 'that' serious and ready for the finest relationship.. I'm in the state of needing a guy to prove that not all guys are the same.. I need someone who can fix my broken heart slowly and start a new life with me...
B, I know I may be too weird for you.. I'm just not perfect, that's just who I really am.. I'm just being myself.. I would do anything that I could for you.. I'll treat you like a king.. prove you I'm different from any other girls out there.. I'll be the best of me for you.. I'm just...I'm tired of getting hurt b.. I really do.. I've been waiting for this chance... and I planned to start it with you.. I hope we'll never let go of each other now matter how hard our life situation is.. I hope we'll make it out through good , bad , thick and thin in life together.. We just started a challenge which need the two of us to hold on to each other to make it through the very end..
Cause when you in love with someone and you got yourself into a relationship , you're taking the risk to get hurt in many ways , you'll need to sacrifice for anything as long as that someone you love will be happy with you.. it is also about facing your biggest fear and things you might dislike..
So the truth is.. I am ready for all this b, I will make the best out of me for both of us.. the question now is..
Are you ready and willing b ? to catch me when I fall, to stand by me.. to protect me.. to hug me, kiss me , tell me everything's gonna be alright.. to be there for me when I need you and to forever be my one and only...?